“You have people that have been through the process before, so they can help you navigate that.”

Juliano Dallastra

National Coming Out Day is annually celebrated on Oct. 11,  in honour of The Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. This day is meant to support and empower members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community to be who they are. Celebrating this day aims to break stereotypes, raise awareness and increase the community’s visibility. It is also a reminder that many don’t have the option to come out.

This day may heavily resonate with a lot of individuals — coming out can be a critical turning point in one’s journey. Others may wonder what it means to come out or even question: “Why do we still need to come out?”

A lot of people express the frustration that comes with coming out one, or perhaps a dozen, times because of the societal assumption of default sexuality or identity.

Everybody has a unique story or experience, and it’s up to them how and when they want to share it if at all.  

My personal story

I came out when I was in high school, I was 15 years old to be exact. I initially came out to my private Instagram account that had a following of six people — I vividly remember the ball of anxiety in my stomach.

The next day at school, I felt like there were hundreds of eyes just watching me, as if they knew something that I didn’t intend them to know. I don’t know who knew or who didn’t — until my female friends would tell me what our classmates would ask them. 

“Do you still sleep in the same bed as her at sleepovers?” or “You don’t change in front of her anymore, right?”

There weren’t a lot of openly queer people in my grade, much alone in my Catholic school. I still remember how my classmates would describe one of our transfer students as “The bisexual girl.” 

Later that fall, one of my childhood best friends came out to me as a gay man. He came out to his friends and family a few days later. 

Then came COVID-19 two years later, it shut down our school among everything else in the world. With no choice but to only be connected through social media, we were all also forced to spend time alone with ourselves. Online queer communities became an accessible resource for people who were questioning and navigating their sexualities and identities. Some of my closest friends came out during quarantine. Building my community of queer friends was a major stepping stone in my journey. I was able to learn about their experiences, feelings and thoughts, and they were able to learn about mine.

There was a vast difference in my understanding and acceptance of my queerness before and after I established my community. Though this is still ever-changing. Especially after I met new people and spent time in different places — I faced other challenges and have found other solutions. 

Finding your community and support

It can be challenging to find a community in a new space or somewhere you may believe it doesn’t exist. 

The Humber LGBTQ+ Resource Centre could be the safe space you are searching for.  The centre offers a space to meet and connect with others at the centre’s events or during their drop-in hours!

Juliano Dallastra, a facilitator at the LGBTQ+ centre, says that the centre evolves and changes with students’ needs. For instance, a workshop was hosted a few weeks ago where international students could ask them anything. Including how to navigate dating apps, language and cultural differences or even how to access sexual health. 

The resource centre also hosts a Queer Book Club, Transgressions, At the Intersections and more! You can keep up with updates on events and other resources through their Instagram or website.

“Some people may be questioning or exploring their own gender or sexual identity and here’s the perfect space for them to do that,” Dallastra said.  “I feel like just being in contact with the community, building those relationships, really makes a difference when it comes to coming out.”

It is important to remember everyone’s experiences are not the same, it’s harmful to assume what you don’t know. Everyone should work towards being educated, aware and supportive in every and any space they enter. There is never a harm in educating yourself on how your language can truly make an impact. We encourage you to visit our guide to using 2SLGBTQ+ language.

IGNITE is committed to celebrating diversity and inclusivity in a learning, working and living environment. To achieve this, we actively work towards implementing initiatives that will benefit students from equity-deserving groups and always be a voice students can count on. You can visit our page to learn more about the resources for members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community.

Feature image by Anastasia Chepinska via Unsplash.

Would you like to learn more about 2SLGBTQ+ resources? Learn all about 2SLBTQ+ resources on campus!

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