Coffee chats sound cute until you realize the coffee part is optional and the anxiety is mandatory.
There are an astonishing number of words attached to coffee.
Latte. Cappuccino. Americano. Flat White. Mocha. Macchiato. Affogato.
Most of them sound comforting. Some sound fancy. A few sound like Harry Potter spells to me.
Yet somehow, the moment we add the word chat to coffee, the vibe changes. For many students, coffee chats remain one of the most intimidating parts of career development. Because nobody really teaches us how to go about them.
The part nobody tells you
Coffee chats feel terrifying because you are voluntarily emailing a stranger and asking for their time in an economy where people barely reply to their own friends.
But networking is not a last-minute side quest you unlock two weeks before graduation. That’s like only going to the gym the night before you want abs.
The key is to start when the stakes are not so high and build up a network over time.
Where to start
The biggest mistake students make is treating coffee chats like transactions instead of conversations.
Sometimes the result is advice, a referral six months later or sometimes it’s… nothing but a chat.
Start by choosing which industry or domain you are genuinely interested in and the roles you are targeting. Then, from the list you make, find someone who is in the field/company you want. Maybe someone who:
- Made the transition you want to make
- Work at a company you admire
- Spoke on a panel you attended
Specificity is what makes you sound genuine instead of copy-pasted. People respond better when they understand why you chose them.
Your message does not need to sound ‘corporate’
Students overcomplicate networking messages because they think professionalism means sounding like a Victorian butler.
Keep it short, warm, intentional and easy to answer.
A good coffee chat request should feel low-pressure. Nobody wants to read a seven-paragraph autobiography while standing in line at Starbucks.
The reality
Most people will not reply. Not because your message was terrible or because your career is doomed.
People are busy. Someone may read it while boarding the TTC and forget forever. That’s normal.
It’s not a personal rejection.
What would I even talk about?
Many students hate networking because it feels fake. It feels as if you’re supposed to suddenly become a hyper-professional LinkedIn creature who says things like: “Leveraging synergies while driving stakeholder alignment.”
Nobody talks like that in real life. Coffee chats are not interviews; just a chat.
Students always assume the conversation will be awkward. But… that’s kind of the point. There should be a difference in experience. That’s where the value comes from. Here are some topics you can ask about:
- How they got their first role
- What skills matter vs. what students think matters
- What mistakes did they make early on
- How their role actually functions day-to-day
Spoiler: they want to help
Professionals can tell when someone is genuinely curious versus obviously trying to collect contacts like Pokémon cards.
Something students forget is that they were once the confused student nervously sending networking messages too.
Almost every meaningful conversation I’ve had ended the same way. With the other person saying, “Happy to help.”
How not to sound like a bot
Here are some example message templates to get started!
- The “Specific career path” message
“Hi [Name], I recently came across your profile and was really interested in your transition from marketing to growth strategy. As someone trying to understand that better myself, I’d genuinely love the opportunity to hear more about your experience and perspective on the industry if you’d ever be open to a quick coffee chat. Thank you either way!”
- The “You actually did your research” message
“Hi [Name], I attended/read/saw your work on [specific thing], and your perspective on [specific topic] genuinely stood out to me. I’m currently a student trying to learn more about this space and I’d love to connect for a short coffee chat if you’d ever be open to it.”
- The “No pressure” follow-up
“Hi [Name], just wanted to quickly follow up on my earlier message in case it got buried! Completely understand if your schedule is busy, but I’d still love the opportunity to connect whenever convenient. Thank you again!”
Online or offline?
A coffee chat does not always need to happen in a fancy downtown café; instead, give the option for both online and offline, and let the other person confirm.
Most prefer it online. Because it is less of a hassle to coordinate and professionals have packed schedules. Virtual coffee chats are often less intimidating for students anyway.
Do it scared, but do it
You do not need to be the most polished person to start building your network. You just need to be curious, respectful and brave enough to begin before you feel completely ready. The people on the other side relate to a student’s wish to “break into the industry.”
A good coffee chat is just curiosity meeting experience.
So send the message. Even if your hands shake a little while pressing enter.
Feature image courtesy of Dan Gold on Unsplash
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